Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
then he tried to convert me to islam
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
