Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
