I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
