I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
