so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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