Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
