I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
