I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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