Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
