Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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