i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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