I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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