my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
