Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
