I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
