I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
