for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
