NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
