So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
