are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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