My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
