whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
