I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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