I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
