Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
