i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
