From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
