Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
