i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
