I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
