I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
