none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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