I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
