yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
