and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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