Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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