My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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