Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
