I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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