He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
