I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
