I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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