He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
