it hurts more in the daytime
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
