he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
