Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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