Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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