My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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