tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
