I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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