well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
